So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
