I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
