Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
