sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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