Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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