Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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