I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
