I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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