He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
