I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
