so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
