oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
