Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
