ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
