I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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