he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
