the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
