I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I supernannyed him into submission
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
