respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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