my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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