You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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