does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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