Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
is that a dick in a sweater?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
