In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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