i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
