billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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