My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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