Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
