That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
