i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
