you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
