Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
