If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
