im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
