grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
