my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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