I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
