I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
