just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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