She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
