My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
