why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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