I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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