I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
