How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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