How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
