Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
