watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
