Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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