tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
